Thank you universe

So Tis is living! Waking up early going for training Ucol heading forward with a purpose in view.
Very different situation to this time last year. I thank Dbt everyday for handing me a set of skills that have proved invaluable, and given me a life so to speak!

Spending time mingling with fellow students not the most comfortable feeling but being social is part of the territory.

I love learning new things having my mind challenged and having to reason.

Also realised today how wonderful the universe has been to me of late, finding a beautiful white scarf and it having no owner despite looking and asking. Now I have a thing of beauty around my neck keeping me snug and warm.

Also a classmate of mine had the whole Herbalife product set but did not like Herbalife and wanted to get rid of, I mentioned how I loved the products and she gifted me the set. I cannot believe how lucky I am. I definitely don't take for granted, thank you and thank you universe.

Maybe just maybe I'm starting to get lucky
Things are definitely looking up.

Yay yay and yay.

Also just found out really good friend of mine moving from South Island to Wellington .
Sweet....

Bowen therapy back on next Wednesday as well.

All I gotta say is thank you universe...



Woohoo,

Me now trying to survive through the fog of depression

Have almost finished dbt treatment and am proud of my progress since starting the programme last July.
Am starting ucol course tomorrow updating my office skills for employment in that area.
Am nervous about finishing dbt and feeling nervous about being back into a course but I know that I need to stick to it and use it to gain a better future.

Have got really bad depression at the moment, last few days have been awful.

Your family just do not realise how they can affect u by their words, or even just a look in the wrong way. I have been fighting my feelings my thoughts that my folks don't love me and I am a burden to them, because it's hard to see positive when what u see daily reinforces those thoughts. Wish my mother could just smile at me instead of look at me like I'm an idiot. I've had to stay away from my family in order to stay sane. Even that's not really doing anything,  I'm just trying to not make the situation worse but it's so difficult to hang in there.

For the first time in a while I had to take extra prn medication to control my state. Could not see myself getting through without it. Still don't understand what brought on this serious depression but yea it's here so have to deal with it. Maybe it's being overtired that could of been a contributing factor, have had changes in recent times in my living situation, church issues, dbt finishing new course starting, financial issues, loneliness issues, trust me there are many things that could of  been contributing factors. Even illness.

Inner voices can be a real pain, when your self esteem is low, when you live around a nacisstic parent,  a person That through a look Can take you from a 5 to a 0 in Mood.





I don't know why she's so grim and nasty to me but I can never comprehend it. How someone can treat their own daughter that way. It just hurts and I walk away feeling angry and abused. Now I just avoid her, the problem is no one else in my immediate family can see how nasty she is in word,and deed and the dirty looks she gives. Only I see those things and as a woman now she still makes me shake in my boots just like she did when I was a child.

Back to my depression. What is Really frustrating is that the crisis services have changed in this area so yea don't talk to a trained nurse now on mental health line, and no direct access to crisis team. That
was really hard when I tried to call up yesterday they didn't know who I was and what I was about,

don't see how these services are advancing mental health treatment more like confusing the service user.  They don't exactly convince the caller to ring again when they are in trouble.



Update today is Monday had course this morning. Introduction to the programme for business studies, and had student id photo taken before racing off to make dbt in the hutt. Which I only have 6 weeks left till that's completed. Proud of how handled self today as I have definitely been in emotional mind and struggling with emotions, as of recent. So there were times when I felt very uncomfortable hence being a new student in a programme where u don't know anyone. Well try doing that whist having depression, yep not fun but carried myself off as capable, even though I was
shaking in my boots.



Back to course Tomorrow morning so nervous but also excited about that.



Dbt today was difficult due to my emotion mind but I had a breakthrough during mindfulness I was able to do the breathing exercises required of me for the first time, even though it was deep breathing it was progression for me from the place I had been previously as I have always had intense anxiety regarding the deep breathing exercises. So I thought wow progress!

staying staunch not working let's try talking NZ #preventsuicide

Am so angry and appauled by the judgement and stigma attached to mental illness still in New Zealand.
This judgemental spirit that lingers stops people who need to talk, and need support from reaching out to get it. They feel that it is weak, and goes against the harden up stay staunch persona that they are so called meant to display.

Because of keeping this persona of staying staunch they keep their issues to themselves and this quite often leads to their downfall.

Let's face it we have a high suicide rate in nz and the numbers just keep going up to our dismay.
So how can this be rectified. Well to start with will the rest of New Zealanders who don't have mental health issues, or depression just learn to lay off those who do.

It's not a weakness to come forward and share your story, your experiences living with and surviving mental health. It's also not a weakness to ask for help, say look I'm struggling, I'm finding life really tough and need some assistance.

It's also not a weakness to be someone who listens to their friends and family and members of the public that need a hearing ear in times of,need, who knows you could be saving a life. Isn't that worth the time spent with that person.

You may ask how do I talk to someone who's suicidal or down? Just approach them as you would a good friend, you can look for patterns in their behaviour and anything out of the ordinary like are they absent from Facebook a lot when previously they were posting stuff,  or they gone quiet and stopped hanging out at usual hangouts, they choosing to isolate themself that's a warning signal.

You can just send them a msg on Facebook like how are you? To get the lines of communication open. Draw them out. Or visit them, ring them on the phone. simply asking them are you ok goes a long way to opening the door to talking about whatever is bothering them.

You may have to hold the hope for someone for a time before they are ready to accept it back. Just being there in the background and staying involved. Notify the relevant authorities if you are worried about the persons welfare otherwise just be a good friend whom they can vent to, talk to, cry to whatever.

Sometimes you see more in a person than what they can see in themselves so point out things about that person that you admire, qualities, physical attributes, strength, have the confidence in the person that they are missing in themselves, it may be enough for that person to hear those things and live through another day.

You have to let that person know how valuable they are, and how much you would miss them if they weren't around, coz people in a depressed suicidal state cannot see their worth. They need you to see it for them and remember their positive points.

I've been lucky in that I have had a dear friend who's been my confidant and held the hope for me when I haven't seen it for myself. This person is extremely dear, I have also been lucky to have people that have pointed out the consequences of making a permanent decision. How impossible it is to take it back once it is made, and how it passes on your pain to the rest of your family and friends, to this date this has been a deciding factor.

I think it's so so important that people change their viewpoints surrounding suicidal people just being attention seekers
Most are not, they have just reached a point where they cannot bear the emotional pain they are carrying any longer and need to leave this life as they see no other way than death to rid themselves of this burden.

They arent selfish they are in deep psychological pain. They also feel they are doing everyone a favour by disappearing as they feel they are no fun to be around anymore and just burdening.
Its this we need to contridict talk about how important and valued these people are and how much of a hole would be left if they weren't around.

These are lifesaving conversations and very important.

Consequences follow every action

Share the consequences of them ending life  on the family community  country people who see and respond all affected by actions.

Truth.
Need it In order to make informed decisions.

Share what they would miss out on

keeping lines of communication open is key
Also maybe medication counseling

No shame in seeking help!!!

Staying staunch attitude not doing suicide statistics any favours so instead let's talk