when a friend defriends u.

Tonight a friend of mine a dear friend of mine decided to call it quits and not talk to me anymore. Now this has been a friend who I have had for 3 years and has been a friend and a mentor to me. He said he feels like I am going to suicide and he cant be around for that.

Emotionally I can understand from his point of view, but obviously its hard when you are doing what you can to bring yourself back into check after having severe depression which seems to be ongoing.

Its not as if i am just sitting twindling my thumbs I am actively trying to help myself despite being so suicidal and ready to give up. I know family and friends don't want that, but even that isn't enough for  me.

Two weeks ago i attempted and almost succeeded it breaks my heart that i didnt,. It breaks my heart because my heart is broken every single day in this world.

My heart is broken when people leave me, when they ignore me I just cant take it.

So yes i am trying to see it just as a short break where this person is having a break to recover for themselves but its difficult when we have been friends for so long and now he has put me in the too hard basket.

It doesn't make me feel wanted in this world, and its a feeling I would not like to put on anyone.

I hate that people look at my diagnosis and judge me from that, as i am more than that diagnosis and i have actively tried to not let that diagnosis hold me back.

I feel very upset this evening.

I don't want to be this person anymore.