depression

Feeling like shit just going to say it.

I don't know why I feel like shit.

I know that my grandma has moved in upstairs and my living situation has completely changed. The dynamics have changed, and since granny has moved in I do not feel important at all.

I feel like my parents and grandma view me as a nuisance, and that its a chore for them to have me come up to see them, they are always trying to get rid of me. So I wonder how they would feel if I permanently was to disappear.

Would they miss me if one day I happened to not be around, would they regret taking me for granted.

I just feel like a nothing in their books.

Mum gets all argumentative about everything, and every thing I say and do is a hassle to see and hear its easier just to stay away and isolate myself than put myself through continual rejection cos thats what it is.

I am filled with anger and resentment, and just feel like exploding everywhere.

I don't feel loved, and I am struggling to find that within as well, when I am treated so harshly.

Im feeling very unsettled with dbt finishing shortly as well.

I have started having health shakes, and I am back on herbalife, but yes my mood has definitely taken a turn for the worse, tremendous depression has set in.

I know the doctor did play with my dosage of antidepressants so that could account for some of my depression
but
Its so hard I don't want to struggle

and its so difficult to stop hearing these persecuting voices telling me what a useless BITCH i am.

and once again I'm headed for the exit button.

because I cant stand the person I see looking back at me in the mirror!