Hi everyone,
Sorry to those of you who are following this blog for not posting anything lately.
Just been in a state that nothing I wrote made sense, or was positive, so it was like why, what's the point.
Guess I needed time out to get myself together.
The other day I forgot to pick up my medication this was a big mistake, you wouldn't think that missing two doses would make a great difference but it did. Man did it mess me up as well as the fact that I had no sleep either that night as there was a robbery at the service station on the main road, and the culprit was hiding. On our section from police and police dogs, and of course my dog went to town barking at what was happening. At the time we did not know what was going on but I knew my dog didn't bark at nothing, so rang police as my dog kept barking throughout the night and I knew this was unusual that's when they notified me police were in the area looking for someone and basically I was told to keep my doors and windows locked and stay inside. Of course I was a nervous wreck also feeling the effects of no mediation in my system and so had the lights on all night and could hear noises outside my bedroom window etc, was quite scary.
Lucky I had my pooch, he's great for company but security as well. Wouldn't be without him especially as a female.
So anyway the morning after this, after having no sleep all night and missed medication dose, I had an appointment. I couldn't pick up medication before appointment as ran out of time so was going to pick up when returned home as my chemist is in my town. Well I ended up not getting home till late Arvo and everything that could go wrong did, including my colour appointment for hair cancelled and also the battery in my phone dying on me when I am trying to find an address, and details to pick something up. Then I went to maccas for free wifi that didn't work and so ended up spending money getting phone topped up. Then went to see someone and they weren't at their office. Had paranoid thoughts that people were talking about me and stuff, and goodness knows how I was able to drive in my state but I managed.
Anyway got back on the pills yesterday and tonight I'm high as a kite, manic.
Horrible the complete opposite of depression low.
It's hard cos you feel like doing something risky. But I'm not going to I know better because of the dbt so instead I had a hot shower, put on pjs and had a hot milk, I'm still very awake. And all day I've been a chatterbox that wouldn't shut up, I've been very active on Facebook and posting etx, and talking to friends, can't concentrate on tv anything it's horrible when your mind is working 100 miles an hour, so instead will just go with it and hopefully soon I get tired.
I've been thinking a lot of the tragedy of bobbi Kristina brown she's been moved to hospice care and end of life care a true tragedy just like her mother, Whitney Houston,
I've been thinking about how she's in this state and what it's like for her family, she's a young girl that should be living her life instead they are burying her as she has lost brain function after being found in the bath and in coma , she's not Bobbi Kristina now and never will be again and that's really sad. Yeah I know she was grieving her moms death but I don't know if she realized what the outcome was going to be for her, or she did and wasn't in the right mind space, at the end of the day though what's done is done now and can't be undone, and it's a waste of a life that could of been something more. How sad for her family and friends that knew her, I've been following this case for many months with hope that she would regain brain function and have a life but it's not to be. Makes me think of the times I've almost wrecked my organs etc. once you do that on the mental health side it's very hard to get a donor organ, often impossible as preference goes to those who are not suffering with mental health issues. Because Its self inflicted.
Overdoses and sometimes it takes months for someone to die and it's very painful and basically some people get to the stage where's it's impossible to undo the damage done and basically they are waiting to die.
I was warned my last serious overdose of this fact.!
That you can reach the stage where you will die regardless because of your own actions. That would be the worst thing to be laying there with regret and not being able to take back those choices.
Makes you think, ?
I've forced myself to watch gruesome reality pictures of death so I get the true perspective of what it's about.
It's not a fantasy world and the pictures people see of the death are distressing, and real.
Reality is not pretty trust me doesn't matter how much makeup yr wearing or what trendy clothes your dressed in death is death.
At the end no matter what you believe death is the end of existing aswe know it
It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem,
You take away the chance of things getting better.
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