one big mission.

Another night down in the game of life.

I.m upset im in tears, I'm fighting back the thoughts of death and ending it all, I'm hugged by my father and mother, the tears rolling down my face. I feel that I am treated as though I am 16 years of age, its very hard because with a mental illness I display behaviour that impulsive and scary to those around me. I try not to be this person.

I know Im not ready to drive yet, but it hurts that Im not driving around like everyone else instead i am coping with the fall out from my suicide attempt and losing my license.

Im crying but then an hour later I'm laughing thats how confusing this disorder is.
I do my best to keep it under wraps. But the thought of escape is always upon me.

Hard to explain to those who don't understand the prologue

Talking about life saving methods, well its hard cos I don't want my life to be continued in that circumstance but others feel different.

So who makes the decisions.

so difficult because sometimes Im for life and other times I'm against it. So how do you make decisions when your mind is cloudy.


Living or Dying.


what a choice


the fireworks are displayed outside my window so inside I sit with my pets, and make sure they are calm and collected whilst the festivities continue.

I really need supportive people around me people that can get that I need a listening ear.
because my life feels like one big fuzzball.

but its not cute and cuddly wish it was.



instead it is one big mission!