PTSD

Today was a nothing day for me I had a very stressful day yesterday and couldn't sleep,

I experienced an anxiety attack  last night after going to church during the day. If you have had an anxiety attack before you will know that they are not pleasant, and even though I was trying to do deep breathing etc that didnt quite work to calm me, because it reminded me that I was alive when i was doing the deep breathing techniques, I haven't got the gist of it yet, but I tried. I also put on some calming music, restful sleep songs. But that didn't seem to help in the slightest.

I know the anxiety attack was to do with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being ostracised a long time ago by the same church and then I went back, now i went back for the right reasons, I do believe the teachings etc, its just getting past my own emotional turmoil.

I believe that I had psyche myself up so much during the day for the meeting I was to attend, that by the end of the day I was exhausted emotionally and mentally.

The flashbacks came back to me, and the uncomfortable feelings, of being ostracised. I mean how do you tell your brain that its not occurring now, that you are safe. I kept repeating those words over and over to myself when I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep and was the middle of a panic attack.

Im Safe, that part of my life is over. your ok

These words you say them but to get your mind to believe them is quite a mission. Anyhow I continued, and realised that I couldn't go to sleep cos every time I tried to close my eyes an image would flash of me being ignored, and ostracised by members of the church.

I gave up on conventional panic attack solutions after googling how to cope in a panic attack it had come up with distraction techniques etc that i had already tried, and deep breathing so I took matters in my hands and decided to take some PRN instead so i would get some sleep.

It still took me time to sleep after taking the PRN but it was better to get some sleep in that way.

Woke up late today but I needed the sleep.


I'm in a racy way due to the memories being brought to mind, and flashbacks so I am using what strategies I have learnt through Dbt etc to hold it together.

Tonight distraction by the tv and the show The Block, watching a movie upstairs with granny and Mum and after that coming back into my flat and putting loud music on, positive inspirational songs and doing my dishes, and cleaning my kitchen.

It doesn't sound like much to some people but when you are trying to wage a war with yourself to keep yourself alive well you got to use everything at your disposal.