stabbings to the heart, who's accountable

I'm feeling stuck, not a nice place to be.

I want to move and get out of this situation but I don't want to move till have guarenteed employment and accommodation.

So instead am grinning and bearing life and looking out for employment opportunities everywhere I can.

It's hard though, and it's lonely.

I feel very unloved in my current situation, my parents are narcissistic and only out for what's good for them. I always have to do something in return for them. There are always conditions to acceptance and so called being a daughter.


Yes I want to see them suffer, even though to lose me I don't know if that is really a punishment because they begrudge my presence anyways.

I'm left crying inside wondering why I was never acceptable. Why they are capable of not loving.
I'm never gonna get the love I deserved from them and that hurts, it stabs me like a thousand knives.

So what do I do now?

Radical acceptance of the situation I have found myself in, and the cold careless nature of those who were meant to be my protectors. My nurturers. They have never been.
No wonder I have felt so abandoned and continue to feel this way.

Something really hurts inside me and there are no words, and no solace to take away this feeling.

I'm so broken

Was I ever whole? I do not know.
If only I could of had what other children experience a warm, relationship.

They don't understand the damage they cause by their words, and their actions.

They literally take a wounded creature and Impail her over and over.
She's bleeding on the outside and the inside.

The torment and the cycle of abuse continues until it's stopped suddenly by actions.

But who should be accountable ?